Thy Approvals.
I review treats, toys, outfits, walks, places, people, pets, and household objects. The rating system is distinctive and, I assure you, final.
Freeze-dried chicken
The only currency I respect.
Slotho
My sloth. My confidant. He understands me. We have a bond. Don't ask where he went.
The cable-knit sweater
Editorial. Effortless. Mine.
The lanai next to the pool
Ninja flooring (polyurea coating). Warm. Glossy. Mine. I sunbathe by the pool. Do not disturb.
Grandma
Best chicken supplier. Suspicious, but tolerated.
Being carried downtown
I am a handbag now. This is my destiny.
Tupak's bully stick
Pending acquisition. Then re-review. Then probably boredom.
Morning walks
Sun: maybe. Wind: no. Rain: legal action.
The glass slider (in & out)
Endlessly repeatable. I am still determining the limit. There may not be one.
The bell by the door
Is it for going outside? Or for summoning Mother? The answer is yes.
The vacuum cleaner
A roaring beast. Ban it. I will not negotiate.
Bath day
A betrayal I will remember forever.
Generic biscuits
I can taste the audacity.
The mail carrier
Comes too often. Under active surveillance.
Five verdicts. No appeals.
The highest honor. Rare. Earned. Non-transferable.
Pending. Probably leaning toward no. Or yes. Unclear.
A verdict so final it borders on a grudge.
Repeatable. Ongoing. The limit is unknown.
The editor is not yet sure what she is looking at.