On the weather
I was told we were “going for a walk.” Nobody consulted me on the sky. I have issued a grumble and returned to the blanket. Reschedule with the sun, please.
Thy SassThe world,
The world,
according to her.
Opinions, demands, grumbles and verdicts. Filed regularly. Rarely revised. She appreciates your feedback and has chosen not to incorporate it.
On being ignored
I appreciate your feedback. I have chosen not to incorporate it. You, however, may continue to admire me from a respectful distance.
On the bully stick
Yes, I already have one. Yes, his is also mine now. This is not a contradiction. This is policy. Six pounds is a measurement. It is not a limitation.
On the vacuum cleaner
I have issued a grumble. The roaring beast has been banished to the closet. I expect a written apology and a treat. Non-negotiable.
On the squirrels
They continue to mock me. From the other side of the screen. They know what they did. Verdict: ongoing hostilities. Indefinitely.
On affection
Affection is available on my schedule. Currently: not now. Please check back. Or don't. I'll find you when I need you. Usually via the ankles.
On socks
I don't steal socks. I relocate them. The laundry hamper is, frankly, mismanaged. You are welcome. I accept payment in chicken.
On being told “no”
“No” is a word I have chosen not to learn. I have, however, mastered “treat,” “walk,” and “mine.” Priorities are priorities.
On the bell, misunderstood
I ring the bell when I wish to go outside. I also ring it when I wish Mother to pay attention. Sometimes she opens the door and I decide I don't actually want to go outside. This is called having options. I have issued a grumble about the confusion.
"Six pounds is a measurement. It is not a limitation."
— Pixie, on herself